Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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