I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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