last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
