she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't make out with my wife yet
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
