Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
