my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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