So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
