in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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