dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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