So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
