Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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