I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
