Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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