so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
