I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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