Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
