The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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