So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
