You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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