Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
