fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if only i could text you this smell
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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