You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
