yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
