Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
