Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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