His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
