call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
