last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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