i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
