all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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