***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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