I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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