were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
