KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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