You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
