So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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