fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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