Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
