I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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