But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
