if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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