I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
