I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
