I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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