Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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