I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
