Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
