It's like God shit irony all over that family
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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