so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
