My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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