i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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