It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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